Is There a Payoff For Being a Victim?

Is there a payoff for being a victim?

Being a victim has lots of payoffs. We get attention. People notice us and feel sorry for us. We can justify giving up. We don’t have to take control of our life. We can blame someone or something else for our troubles.

But what do we lose? We lose control over our own destiny. We may get short-term payoffs, but we lose long term. Being a victim frequently comes from not loving ourselves.

Self-love is tricky. There is a difference between self-love and narcissism. When we appreciate our unique self, we don’t have to boast and bluster, it comes with a quiet calm. Do you play the victim? If so, what can you do about it?

The appreciation game as talked about by Janet Attwood in The Passion Test is a powerful exercise. It may be really hard when you first start. And it may bring up lots of internal objections. Maybe you had someone early in your life that criticized you for “bragging” or “boasting”, when in reality you were just an exuberant child.

I think we women have this issue a lot. Whether at home or in the boardroom, we feel self-conscious speaking our mind, speaking up, and being spotlighted. But that is the key to ultimate happiness and a truly fulfilling life. Speaking up with your own true authentic voice.

So what to do? Try playing the appreciation game with yourself. Every day write down something that you did that day that you appreciate. If this is hard for you, just name one thing. As you write it down, think about it and write down any voices that surface. Is there a teacher’s voice? A parent’s voice? Some self-criticism?

As you practice this, it will get easier. Some of those old voices will quiet as you start to realize that they are old and wrong. You are unique. You are of value. You are worthy and loved and powerful.

When we focus on what we do well, we do even better. When we focus on our (mostly incorrect) negatives, we lose confidence and we lose power. Now more than ever we need YOU. We need each of us. We are all unique and magnificent qualities to shine on the world.

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